We need to talk bout Zoe (ugh). "Coven" has had a Zoe problem since the premiere, and "The Dead," which is very Zoe-centered, was an episode that showed off just how confusing of a character she is. Taissa Farmiga is a fine actress and does pretty well with what showrunners Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk give her to work with, but let's quickly break down the things she did in this episode:

- She approached Kyle with a gun, blatantly telling him she had to kill him. He then snatched the gun away from her, she freaked out and then consoled him, saying she would never kill him.

- Cordelia, Fiona's own daughter, told Zoe how Fiona was Madison's killer. Zoe just couldn't believe it, nevermind how obvious it was. So, Zoe then tortured Spalding and stabbed him to death, after he finally spilled the beans that the killer was indeed Fiona (I'm surprised Zoe believed him).

- Then, naive little Zoe who switched from timid girl with a gun to prison shanker within the span of an episode, decided to have a threesome with two dead people. One of the dead people was Kyle, who Zoe had a crushed on but didn't seemed too bummed he was having sex with someone else. And the threesome didn't take much coaxing either (also, I'm assuming her sex-killing powers don't have an effect on people who've already been killed). 

So, which is it? Is Zoe a timid and naive softspoken witch who always sees the good in people? Or is she a witch who's completely aware she may be the next Supreme, and will violently kill people just because (Spalding was just adding to his doll collection!) and will get down and dirty with the dead? This show needs to figure out how to handle Zoe, because it obviously wants her to be the protagonist. 

Feeling alive

We learned a little bit about the dead tonight, and basically, they feel dead inside. Real original, "AHS"! Madison gave us a long monologue about how she threw her life away in order to not feel any feelings, but now that she was killed and brought back to life, all she wants to do is feel. And the only way to feel, it turns out, is to have sex with another dead person. Kyle went from Frankenstein to sex champ in the span of two minutes, which didn't really make any sense, but hey, it's Evan Peters' ass again! For now, it seems Peters is only here to fill Ryan Murphy's male bottom quota.

Cordelia was also feeling alive, in a way, as she kept on seeing things despite her newfound blindness. Specifically, she saw Fiona kill Madison and now wants to kill her, enlisting Zoe for help. Probably not a good idea, because Zoe tends to screw up most things. But Cordelia thinks Zoe's the next Supreme, so she could be an asset/Fiona's next target.

Sex and saxophones 

Danny Huston's Axeman ghost has been watching over Fiona since she was a little girl, saving her from bullies and whatnot. Except he proved himself to be one creepy dude, seducing old Fiona and giving a speech on how he loved her as a daughter and now he loves her as a woman. Yup, very gross. 

Fiona knew he was a creep and a murderer, but she decided to sleep with him anyway. Afterwards, she wasn't feeling it anymore after she found out he's been stalking her for like, 50 years. And, she was preoccupied because her hair is falling out in clumps. Only "AHS" could make us feel sorry for a murderous, pill-popping witch. 

"Beautiful"

The other scenes in this episode were home to Queenie and LaLaurie. Gabourey Sidibe and Kathy Bates continue to be the most entertaining duo on the show, bonding over late night fast food and ham (sidenote: Why was LaLaurie randomly cutting a ham in the middle of the night?).

However, Queenie started to have second thoughts because of LaLaurie's sadistic past, and walked over to Laveau's weave shop for some advice. Naturally, Laveau told Queenie that her fellow roommates will never accept her because she's black, and LaLaurie's a monster who needs a taste of her own medicine.

Laveau's mind is still stuck in the 19th century, but Queenie decided to comply, bringing LaLaurie to the salon at the end of the episode. LaLaurie's horrific tale, of how she murdered her husband's and slave's illegitimate infant and used it's blood as makeup, probably played a part in Queenie switching sides.

As expected, LaLaurie was ambushed and thrown into a cell. She was presumably tortured (badly), as the episode ended with Laveau using her blood as foundation. Lovely. 

Charms

- Hank is drunk calling Cordelia and having issues with whether or not he should murder her and all of the young witches. He's worthless.

- MIA this week: Misty and Myrtle, who'll be really important in the upcoming episodes, and Nan, Luke and Patti LuPone. The show still has yet to reveal what's up with Lupone. 

- Oh, the irony. As soon as Spalding gained his ability to speak, he was murdered. Spalding's tongue replacing scene was hilarious and squirm-inducing, and I'm kind of sad he's dead. Then again, no one on this show has actually died yet, so I'm not holding my breath.

- The beginning of the episode gave us a glimpse into Kyle's past. Nothing too juicy happened, but it was revealed that two of his friends' body parts are literally a part of him now, so he freaked out. 

- "I'm starting to understand why you're so damn enormous."

- "We're gonna kill her. Kill her once. Kill her dead." You've made your point, Cordelia.

- No new episode next week. Sorry, guys. I'll be pulling a Madison and spend it eating everything in my kitchen. Happy early Thanksgiving!